Wonder why my supervisor suddenly become so good....

No more nagging. No more scoldings.

Was it because I said I may stay?

Was it because of my typing skills?

Was it because she needed my help for her assignments?? --- lots of typing & cutting & pasting.

Her one-man story so duno to trust or not to trust.

For me, as long as i dont have to bear with a weirdo w a fiery temper, I cant be bothered with the rest. =)

Dumb dumb dumb. Really really dumb. I did the dumbest thing.

I happened to pass by when the whole forklift fell off the truck. The operator escaped fast enough to avoid injuries. I witnessed the whole scenario but I stood there, dumbfounded, dont know what i could do... Thought since I cant help then i just go back to my office.

It was a serious matter ok, bec it impeded further operations and it was VERY heavy. A loud "thump". Then I stood there dumbly, not offering any help.

After I return to office, I thought, I could have at least went over to ask if my help was needed, to call the office or sth.

This is truely inspiring. & touching. A must-watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8ZuKF3dxCY&feature=channel_page

I am not doing at all.

Lab report.

The article our UWA lecturer sent is totally different frm what the lecturer in sg said. Alamak. which is which?

DUno why I keep wanting to fall aslp reading the article. Lkethat how to do report? 50%! How to get high distinction?!

Sometimes I used a lot of effort end up get lesser marks than ppl who anyhow do or nv really study. Sometimes really study hard also nv get full marks while ppl who dun hv bio background score 100% for mcq. Mayb i dun hv the science brain? I am having a tough time. My brain is going to explode.

Sorry I have something to own up to.

I apologise to sl for my dishonesty. She acty won 50cents but she didn take. At first I was out of situation, when i realised what was happening, she was already giving out cards for the next round. But i kept quiet & kept the 50c which was meant to replace my lost bet. Giving excuses like I kept losing & I had stomachache & was feeling really bad would be invalid. Nobody likes to lose but by not facing up to reality, I was the real ultimate loser.

Out of guilt, halfway thru the game, although still on a losing streak, I returned her winning into her pile of money. But I still feel like a loser. I slapped myself tight for committing such atrocity. Its not about the money but the fact that dishonesty slipped into my mind & I had been conquered by the demon for a short moment. Terrible. And my stomach ached. Must have been retribution.

On the way home, I realised that tw was probably refering to me - who keep bets quietly when lose money. Although an avid gambler who drinks, crap, w no big ambitions, he is a person of moral integrity. Because for one moment I was consumed by a devil inside me. At least he dont cheat. So sl has found herself a good guy, rest assure that he will not cheat. 

I feel ashamed & cannot forgive myself. So I dont expect compassion. Although this article may change your view of me for the worse, or even create a big barrier such that we may not be able to be friends anymore, I find it neccessary to own up. Because I did had that thought. It was just 50c, and it was enough to test for my degrading moral.

It is a serious matter. Dont know since when, that i realised honesty, fair, law-abiding, treating friends with sincerity & going all out to help (mostly ppl i met in uni) was not the formula for surviving in the society, my morals started to undergo degradation. As time passed, I found it ok to litter, to not return the extra change, to be really hostile to ppl who were also hostile to me, & all those shit. I realised this & I was scared. I want to change but had not taken much action.

This incident serves as an excellent reminder.

I will take this lesson into account. & never to repeat it.

If i dont own up, I will be a coward. I will not live with dignity. My morals will continue to deplete. I will lose integrity. I will not be a human. I will be worser than a beast. I will not be able to face consequences, take challenges, show care & concern to others,... I will always find an easy path & escape instead of facing the situation, & I will eventually lose all my morals & lose my pride as a human. If I cant discipline myself, no others can. I am too hard to control, stubborn, & i dont like to listen. But in future, if i'm wrong, pls still give me a gentle reminder. I will think through it & correct it.

*90 deg bow*

the marks i've been waiting for is finally out.

1 mark to high distinction.

sad-ed....

the previous module 2 marks to distinction.

why am i so stupid?!

only have myself to blame.

did not work hard enough.

despite reminders to myself.

feel empty...

Life's about ups & downs. My way of pulling myself together: look & think of the cute stuffs in my life!!!!!

So cute right??!!!!! (It's enough that I find him cute hee)

Passionate, friendly, kind, gentle, considerate, courageous, generous, caring, smart, hardworking, gentleman, humourous, devoted, patient, good-tempered, grateful, determined, helpful, sew, cook, etc etc...

Perfect Man.

I love this warm-hearted doctor!!! Goes all out to help patients & make life better for people around him.

And my pretty Mum!!!

I am worried for myself.

I am too much of a bookworm - good at studying theory & remembering the rigid facts, but know little or nothing about applications. But this current module, Forensic Science, has little to "really study" & most of it depends on some common sense & normal thinking.

I dont have. I always think about matters in a different way from others - so viewed as weird/impractical/uncomprehensible. (Yet sometimes v easy to guess bec my actions are faster than thinking most of the time) My lecture notes are all pictures, my lecturer speaks in a hard-to-catch-whats-hes-saying accent, and there is no single textbook, each costs over hundred, and not available in libraries.

Social activity in sch is like zero. Its all linked. Not in good terms with this childish classmate, and almost all ppl i know is connected with her, so duno what she said, someday, I was ignored by sl's fren & her fren. Nope rather than ignore, it is disregard, treated invisible, connived, animosity, blah. And does not apply only to this fren of sl. Duh. how to study like thta? Aiya....... how did i got into such a shit??!

Now I confess tat im feel quite uneasy gg to sch. These ppl are like a big bunch & me ostracised. Last time I chose to be alone. Now of course also, I did not try to make friends or be friendly or anything like that (hmmm... lots of politics in uni... they think too much!) But knowing thr's this bunch of ppl watching me on the sly, speaking bad abt me behind my back, hating me & treating me like Mr Invisible, it just does not feel right. I am scared ok. I confess. Theres just this creepy feeling in my heart. Im not scared of them but is tis gg to be till I leave the sch? hai..... what bad experience. Having experienced all this shit, I've proven the saying true, "Never offend a villain".

And Im alone so no idea hw to clear this mess also. Hai... nobody to speak to.. I am really exploding......

Another mess is regarding a close friend. Sometimes, & only sometimes, we really show contempt to each other, and i find that really damaging to our relationship. I once read in a bk, whr they discussed prediction of divorces. Contempt is the most damaging. If couples show contempt to the one another, they mostly end up in divorce. It is much worser than critcism.

Criticism: "You never try to listen"

Contempt: "You are a bitch/scum/bastard"

You speak at a superior level when u show contempt. Recently, my fren made me v upset. I kept thinking back, how we became friends, the events, happy, unhappy, quarrels, minor, major, times of crisis & how we confided in each other, how we criticised each other..... the more i thought of it, the sadder I become.... Is it that we dont treasure the friendship anymore? When we were gg to be separated, i received a season greetings card from my fren, in it wrote "Friends forever", "Keep in contact". Did friend forget about it? Now I dont know how to face my friend. Act like nothing ever happened? Or sit down and talk about it? Or is there a need to sit down & talk (means I think too much)? As much as i try to hide it, I am really unhappy recently. Too many things. And Im curbing as much of my emotions. So Im really exploding.And there dont seem anybody I can talk to. So Im exploding. Sometimes ppl dont want to listen sometimes I cant bring myself to direct the attention to myself. I dont want to say too much. I dont like to say. If u r interested in my inner feelings u can read here.

Finallly, good news to share.

I am finally embarking on a permanent position this coming thurs in a laboratory. So my wishes do come true. My 1st perm job = work in lab. Hope it turns out well. Everything's fine except location (mrt + bus). I dont really mind transfering tranport twice a day, just that it's in the industral area - quite remote. No crowded & multiple lunch/shopping areas like in raffles & bugis. Hope can survive at least a yr thr. But again, nothing's perfect. Be contented.

The new year has just started but something unpleasant happened. But I chose to look on the bright side. This year is supposd to be a good one isn't it? :-) Friends are precious. True friends, longtime friends, good friends, close friends are really hard to find. Pls treasure your friends. Friends are meant to have fun together, confide in each other, help each other, be nice to each other, trust each other, be tolerant to be each other, enjoy each other's company, etc etc. More or equal to that of couples. Friends are very important. Not to be bossed around, made use of, to be hostile towards, to show contempt to, etc.

This reminds me of my sis. She printed one & put at the laundry "I am fortunate to do laundry because that means I have clothes to wear." That reduced my mum's grumbles. I find it cute. Thank you friends, I am really appreciative. As I looked thru the past photos at Hazel's house, I find we really came a long way & should all the more treasure our friendship. Let's be friends for as long as we live!

 Da-la!! Wow it's my 1st time decorating Xmas tree!! Heehee .... thank you hazel for granting us this chance. I was the merry-go-round........

Many many many presents!!!

These are solely my presents!! Heehee.. it is from ah-man again. :-) & LF, Hazel, SL.

Our favourite pastime - taking studio photo shoots. Hz & Wm playing with the xmas tree decor, role play angels.. =.="... I've come up with a new team name - Narcissistic PhotoManiac Mysteric. Wow. Sounds impressive right?? (sheepish grin)

 Vodka 40% advertisement. And yes, the other photomaniacs also took a series of the same photos.

Wow!! Thanks MYC for the birthday cake & wm efforts to ask me which I prefer. Good taste. Pretty nice cheesecake which wm vomitted after a few cups of vodka. Poor thing. She made a confession nt daring to touch cheesecake for quite some time. So we have to source other options for her coming bday. Hee.

It's really nice & lucky to have true good friends. Let's stay together ok? "ok!!" yeah I heard responses!!

This is fake. Not really drunk until we gulped at a go. (WM was supposed to be in SL position but it was simply acrobatic standard so she gave up - still damn funny thinking about it)

(small size to protect MYCians)

This is REAL. It was a great torture to play Uno Stacko drunk right haha.... Only SL stayed awake. Hz was most drunk - & I took the chance to take some really farnie vids while she kept scolding "This crazy woman is filiming again. STOP filiming ok i tell u."

Our game ended at around 3++am with WM, me, then the rest going to bed.

The next morning wm & I tried to open the door to go out & eat breakfast. I was a sotong. Wm passed me the keys & I put inside my pocket. When i take out again, it was my own house keys, which I kept wondering, "why does hazel's house keys look so similar to mine".

Hazel ended up have to come Yishun to return. Hey really million thanks man. But seriously, it was really cold downstairs. I sneezed a few times while waiting. But was really appreciative of her efforts & abit paiseh bec was my error. Wow it's nice to have friends!! :-)

Lastly, 2008 is probably the yr i received most presents!!

Thank you!!!

P.S. Hz u are a really good host!! Thank you!!

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!! Let's welcome the new year!

2008 has not been peaceful & seemed to be shrouded in misery. Let's hope 2009 will be a better year!

For the 1st time in my life, I fell ill on my birthday. On the 12th i was actually feeling unwell but i kept telling myself i cant fall sick bec tmr is my bday. Somehow, psycho-ing myself didn work as my sickness took a downhill turn & by the end of the day @ work my whole body ached & i felt so terribly sick that I skipped sch.

It was bad enough that I tried calling my mum since 5pm yet until I reach Yishun then I get a reply. I thought I could get someone to fetch me home - not so lucky. Dragging my sick & hungry body, I crawled home. After a quick shower I slipped into bed. My head was heavy as I slipped in & out of sleep. 7pm-9pm, 9pm-11pm. Then i finally couldnt slp & snuggled into the sofa with the cushion Pei gave. I couldnt eat bec i feel like vomiting. I poured a glass of milk but i never drank a sip. But my tummy kept growling. What a terrible start to my birthday, as the clock ticked twelve & my family came back (yes i was sick & alone & hungry in my sofa) with a logcake. It was surprise at a wrong time as i had no energy to join in the fun..

The next day, expecting some little celebration, mayb a meal out. My sickness became an excuse for my mum's wilfulness. Ended up cooped at home until 8-9pm. And that's also the time I had some decent meal for the day - i couldnt really eat anyway. And the food was so sweet that i felt like vomitting.

After a wasted & sick birthday, I looked forward to a great celebration with my good friends the next day, which turned out to be another disappointment. Too much details will hurt feelings so I'll just try to incinerate those thoughts. After the 2 disappointing events, I've contemplated & decided that maybe I had too much expectations. Expectation lead to disappointment. Indeed, sometimes.

I think too much of my birthday, & I thought that i would be the center of attention but nope that did not happened. So I end up hurt. My birthday in fact, was "just another day" to others. So birthday girls & boys, pls dont expect your birthday to be as special as it is to u to others. My conclusion is, I will never expect anything for birthday anymore. It will just be another day hanging out with family & friends, no special treatment or anything.

Lalala.........

So I did not expect to be the center of attention anymore. I went to the Xmas + bday celebration at Hazie's house with a "ping chang xin" - it was just another day out. :-)

And it was great fun!!!

Great details to be updated in part 2! Hee... long-winded sia.